这一系列游记是我在2016年一月的台湾旅游后所写。时隔六年重读，非常感激当时的自己记录下了这些几乎被忘却的心情。这篇序言写在行程的最后一天的深夜，在一个台北的宾馆。
This series of travelogues was written just after my trip to Taiwan in January 2016. Rereading it after six years, I am very grateful to myself for recording these forgotten details. This preface was written late at night on the last day of the trip, in a hotel in downtown Taipei.
正文 (Body)
回家的日子，是辛苦的。第十三天的凌晨，忙碌着点清行李，不知如何将这么一大堆东西带回去而踯躅的我，回想起这些天来的诸多经历，心头突然泛起了一些波澜。十三天里，走过台北、新北、南投、台中、嘉义、台南、高雄、屏东、花莲，我们的脚步遍及全台，却怎奈时间太短，意犹未尽。这片美丽而富饶的土地，中国的一部分，让我感到了一种异国的氛围与基调。走在大街上，虽然满目都是汉字，但是不时出现的民国旗帜似乎总在提醒着我什么。
It was a tough day to go home. In the thirteenth early morning, I was busy sorting out my luggage, not knowing how to bring back such a large pile and tramping around. When I thought back to the various experiences in these days, I suddenly felt turbulent. In the past thirteen days, I walked through Taipei, Xinbei, Nantou, Taichung, Chiayi, Tainan, Kaohsiung, Pingtung and Hualien, with our footsteps spread all over Taiwan. But the thirteen days were too short to go through every corner of the island.
This beautiful and rich land, a part of China, gave me an exotic feeling. Walking down the street, although full of Chinese characters, the Republic of China flags that appear from time to time always seem to remind me of something.
在台南，我遇到了一个支持台湾独立的出租车司机。他眼中的大陆，是一个落后而专制的大陆，他喜欢民主，也向我坦诚民主的弊病。因为过度民主，当今台湾不少年轻人已经变得是非不分。无论他们美化殖民侵略也好，支持分裂也罢，大多是一种近乎情绪化的对大陆崛起的不满与宣泄，一种近乎闭关锁国式的理解与想法。然而这个中年司机不是，他只和我说了一点，大陆普通民众不能在网上公开谈论国家主席。相比，在台湾，骂马英九反而是一种被认为勇敢的行为。听了这个，当时还想和他继续争论的我，也只能报以苦笑。
In Tainan, I met a cab driver who supports Taiwan’s independence. He believes the mainland Chinese government a stubborn and dictatorial one. He advocates democracy, while confesses to me the drawbacks of it. Because of excessive democracy, many young people in Taiwan today have blurred the boundary of right and wrong. Whether they glorify colonialism or support separatism, most of them are emotionally upset and cathartic about the rise of mainland China, an almost close-minded understanding of the world.
Yet, this middle-aged driver was not, and he only made one point with me, that ordinary people in the mainland China cannot talk about the chairman of the country publicly. In contrast, in Taiwan, cursing Ma Ying-jeou (the president of Taiwan that time) is instead considered an act of bravery. Hearing this, I, who wanted to continue arguing with him at that time, could only reply with a bitter smile.
然而在这篇前言里我想说的，是我今天的故事。
Whatever, what I want to say in this preface, however, is my story today.
很小就知道奶奶的一个哥哥在内战后撤到了台湾，临行前，家里还希望我这次能够去探望一下这位舅公。他上次回大陆是八十年代，大约是两岸刚刚能够互通往来的时节。八十年代的大陆，文革刚刚过去，中华大地百废待兴。那时，台湾作为亚洲四小龙，经济相当发达，可想见舅公回来以后，心里的落差有多么大。也大概因此，这位舅公再也没有回过大陆。现在三十年过去，我手里的线索，只有他当年留下来的一份身份证复印件，以及一个作为信物的金戒指。
Since I was a naïve kid, I have known that my grandmother’s brother moved to Taiwan right after the Chinese civil war. Before I left, my family wanted me to visit my granduncle in my travel gap. The last time he returned to the mainland China was in the 1980s, when the two sides of the Taiwan Strait were just able to communicate with each other. In the 80s, the Cultural Revolution had just passed, and the land of China was still waiting to be rebuilt. At that time, Taiwan, as the soaring economic engine of Asia, was already developed. You can imagine how big the gap in my granduncle’s mind was when he came back for the first time after decades. Probably for this stereotype, he never returned to the mainland China.
Now, thirty years later, I only have an old copy of his ID card and an antique gold ring as a prove.
身份证复印件上，有他的住址，在万华区新安里。早上查了一下，离我们住的旅店不算远，公交车七站路。下了车后，虽然有些不知所措，但我问了问路边的行人，最后也顺利地找到了那栋房子。地址确实存在，但敲几下门，屋里却没有动静。再重重敲几下，我隐约间听到屋里播放着戏曲的声音离我越来越近。大概这是我舅公在听戏吧，我便不再敲门，静静等着他为我开门。
On the copy of the ID card, there is his address in Xin’anli, Wanhua District. When I checked in the morning, it wasn’t too far from the hotel where I am staying, seven stops away by bus. After getting off the bus, I was a little overwhelmed by the identical-looking buildings. I asked the residents by the roadside and after spending some time, I eventually found the apartment.
The room did exist. Unfortunately, despite several knocks on the door, there was still no reply. After a few more heavy knocks, I vaguely heard an opera sound in the house getting closer and closer. Was this my granduncle listening to the opera? I stopped knocking and waited for him quietly for opening the door.
可是大约过了一两分钟，依然没有来人，原本听到的戏曲声也渐行渐远。我心生疑惑，又开始敲门。敲了几下，先前那个戏曲的声音逐渐靠近，再等等，隔壁七楼之一的门开了。紧接着，从屋里走出了一个老爷子。老爷子两鬓早已斑白，头上秃了一块，一只眼睛还似乎有些问题。他看到我，问了我的来历，我也就如实回答。他看了我手中的身份证复印件，知道我是来寻亲了以后，无奈地告诉我，那户人家不是这个姓氏，也不是我舅公妻子的姓氏。那家人是台湾南投人，和大陆没有任何关系，女主人是一个外交官，现在正举家在欧洲游玩，不可能是我要找的人。随后，他又补充道，他在这里住了二十多年，从来不知道有这么个人存在。
But after about a minute or two, still no one came, and the opera sound that I had heard faded away. I was confused and started knocking again. After another several knocks, the opera sound gradually approached, with a door on the upper floor opened. Immediately after, from the opened door came out an old gentleman.
His hair was entirely white, with a bald patch on his head and a problematic eye. I answered truthfully for what he asked. He carefully read the copy of the ID card in my hand, knowing that I had come to look for my unseen relatives, and finally decide to tell me something. The family lived here now has a totally different family name, nor was it the family name of my granduncle’s wife. The owner of the apartment was native Taiwanese, from Nantou, with no ties to the mainland China. The hostess was a diplomat and is now touring Europe with the family. They couldn’t be the people I was looking for.
“I had lived here for over twenty years and never knew such a person here,” he added.
老爷子说话的声音不像是台湾人，问了才知道他姓李，来自安徽，爱听戏曲。问他有没回过大陆，他却三缄其口。也不方便再聊下去，我就让他帮我开一下楼锁，送出楼门。他的妻子似乎依然认为我是骗子，始终不同意。不过老人家犹豫了一小会儿，最终还是和我下了楼。出了楼，他指了指右边，告诉我去派出所查一查，也许能够知道一些舅公的线索。我连忙道谢，他却只是挥了挥手，轻轻说了一句小心安全。但过了一小会儿，他似乎又想到了些什么，拍拍我的肩，说，你衣服穿的挺少，天气挺凉，别感冒了。说完，他便缓缓走上楼去，留下依然怔在原地的我。
The old gentleman did not sound like a native Taiwanese. His surname is Li, from Anhui (a province in middle China), and he loves traditional Chinese opera. “Then have you ever been back to the mainland China?” I tried to ask more about him. He stayed silence. In this awkward atmosphere, I decided to leave.
The door of the building was locked inside, and I needed his help to go out. His wife insisted I was a scammer and kept shaking her head. Li hesitated for a short while. Eventually, he came downstairs with me, shakily holding on to the aged wall. He went out of the building and pointed to the right, telling me the address of local police station. “Perhaps, you could get some clues about your granduncle,” he said.
“Appreciate it,” I thanked him.
“Be safe,” said gently, he waved his hand and turned back.
But after a short while, he seemed to remind something else. He walked to me and patted my shoulder. He said: “you wear quite a few clothes. It is quite cold today. Be careful!” After saying that, he slowly walked upstairs, leaving me still stunned in place.
走到派出所，是一条挺长的路，问了三四个人我才摸到大门。向警察说明来意后，其中一个年轻的警官觉得这有些不可思议。我给他看了舅公身份证的图片，他告诉我他只能够帮我在网上查一查。同时由于个人隐私，他也只能帮我联络，而不能告诉我舅公的详细住址与电话。我点头同意，警官便让我留下我的联系方式与家庭住址。他说，到时候他能不能联系我要看他个人，警察局只能尽力而为。
It was an extremely tedious walk to the police station. I asked several people to find the front door. After explaining to the police what I had come for, one of the young officers thought it was kind of unbelievable. I showed him the copy of my granduncle’s ID. He had a quick reading and acknowledged me he could only help me to check online. Due to personal privacy, he could only help me to contact instead of giving me detailed address or phone number. I nodded in agreement, and the officer asked me to leave my contact information and home address.
He said: “it was up to your granduncle to contact you or not. The police office could only do our best, but no guarantee.”
查了查公安局的网站，大约等了一会儿，他告诉我这个人已经不在台北了。换全台的库再次搜寻，结果是他现在住在花莲，但这个派出所却无法获得查看详细地址与联系电话的权限，只能知道他住在花莲县民意派出所的下辖区里。很遗憾，这次台湾之行肯定是见不到舅公了。
After checking the online system and waiting for a while, he told me that my granduncle was no longer in Taipei. After switching to a island-wide database to search again, the result showed that he now lives in Hualien, another city 5 hours drive away. This police station could not even get access to view further information, and I could only know that he lives in a rural district named Minyi. Unfortunately, I would definitely not be able to see my granduncle during this trip.
离散这么多年，曾经能够相见已不容易。再经历另一个三十年的沧海桑田，人事变迁，加以两岸阻隔，想再联系上更是难上加难。对于我，这只是一位未曾谋面的亲人，没有子嗣，但对于我的奶奶，却是至亲。不禁想起了白居易的诗句，河南经乱，关内阻饥，兄弟离散，各在一处。古代的通讯与交通远远没有现代发达，战端一开，两相离别，就有可能一生再也不见。燕山脚下的征夫，箭匣空在，人已战死，不复归来。即便或者，也往往是君在交河，妾在青波。两小至亲，因为山河的割裂，不得不天各一方。从古而今，每一次战事与政权的更迭，都会造成大批大批破碎的家庭和离散的血亲，因此才会有高宗千方百计与金议和迎母，才会有隋初徐生探越国公官邸破镜重圆。
After years of separation, the reunion is already something to cherish. And after another 30 years, more things changed. With the barrier between the two sides of the Taiwan Strait, it was even more difficult to get in touch again. For me, my granduncle is just an unseen relative without any children; but for my grandmother, he is the closest sibling.
I can’t help but think of the lines from one of Bai Juyi’s famous poem, “my hometown is going through the chaos; famine appears all over the land and vagrants block the roads; brothers separated, each in one place.” In ancient times, communication and transportation were far less developed than these in modern days. Once the war started, the two sides parted and could never see each other again.
There are so many stories in ancient China that describe all of this. The bride was waiting for her husband who had gone to the border. But she did not know that his husband just died in a bloody battle and would never return, leaving behind only an empty quiver on the battlefield. Or the husband is garrisoned in a fortress on a distant desert for years, while his wife stays at the river back home. The couples, because of the separation of the mountains and rivers, were forced to keep unseen. Each war and regime change in history will result in countless broken families and separated blood relatives. Even as the Emperor of China, Gaozong had to pay a lot of money to ransom his mother from the enemies. Or even as a princess of the former dynasty, Lechang had to play some tricks to reunite with her husband.
1949年内战的失败，蒋公退守台湾，一直念念不忘的，是他曾经的故乡，以及他曾经奋战过，抵抗过日本人的中原大地。台北的路名大多以大陆的城市命名，似乎依然反映出蒋公对于反攻大陆的倔强的幻想与渴望。然而即便台湾经济再发达，由于偏居一隅，没有腹地，反攻永远不过是一句玩笑话。固执的蒋公，始终不愿意承认中国易主的事实，始终不愿意与大陆对话。不过，他全力治理台湾，也算是对于内战失败的一种反思与救赎。随着两岸慢慢崛起，经济交流的渴望日益频繁，他的继任者也逐渐对大陆放下敌意，两岸也逐渐互通往来，化敌为友。但是，除却台独政府的上台使得两岸交流再度收窄，这一切也已到来地太晚。当年移民的青年，等到改革开放，已经苍然老去，早已在台湾定居稳定。当年庾信家族因为五胡乱华南渡，七代以后又因战乱北迁，满眼早已不是故乡的景象。那些移民定居台湾，大概子子孙孙也就认定他乡为故乡了吧。
After the defeat of the civil war in 1949, Chiang Kai-shek retreated to Taiwan, never forgetting his unreachable hometown and the Chinese cities where he had fought and resisted the Japanese. Most of the road names in Taipei are named after these cities, reflecting the president’s stubborn fantasy and desire to come back. However, even if Taiwan’s economy is more developed, because of its isolation and lack of hinterland, “counterattack” always sounds like a joke. Chiang Kai-shek was never willing to admit his failure and was never willing to communicate with CCP. He made every effort to govern Taiwan, which was a kind of rethink and redemption for the lost civil war.
With the gradually rise of the economy on both sides of the Taiwan Strait, economic interactions also became more frequent. His successors eventually put aside the hostility toward CCP. The two sides of the Strait stated to contact each other. Former enemies finally turned into friends.
However, even without the rise of the Taiwan independence movement, which has narrowed cross-strait communication again, all the endeavors have come too late to heal the wounds of Chinese nationality. The teenagers who immigrated back then were already old and settled in Taiwan for thirty years. Seventeen hundred years ago, a Chinese clan named Yu moved southward to escape the war in the north. After seven generations, clan Yu was forced to move back again, but considered the north as a strange foreign land. Since those immigrants settled in Taiwan, probably their descendants will identify here as the new hometown.
不能说台湾自古以来便是中国的土地，汉人实际控制台湾，最早大致是郑成功驱逐荷兰人的年头，不过短短四百年。但就是这四百年间，汉人大量移民来台，加之郑克爽降清，台湾便被确立成为了我们不可分割的领土。要说台独，只有那些原住民族才有资格谈论，那些操一口流利汉语或是闽南语的年轻一代，请想想你的祖先来自哪里，你们又有什么资格要去残忍剥夺你们长辈的乡愁？
It cannot be concluded that Taiwan belongs to China thousand years ago. The earliest time that the Han Chinese actually controlled Taiwan was roughly the year Koxinga expelled the Dutch, around four hundred years ago. But it was during these four hundred years that large population of the Han Chinese immigrated to Taiwan. With the surrender of the grandson of Koxinga to Qing Dynasty, Taiwan was established as Chinese inseparable territory. For those who speak fluent Mandarin or Minnan, please think about where your ancestors came from. And, who are you to cruelly deprive your elders of their nostalgia?
我不喜欢清朝，也不喜欢施琅，但我不反对台湾归清。
I don’t like the Qing Dynasty and I don’t like Shi Lang (who subjugated Taiwan), but I’m not against Taiwan to be a part of Qing Dynasty.
如果台湾坚持独立，那么这一座小岛无非是地缘政治斗争的牺牲品，对谁都没有好处。
If Taiwanese insists on independence (instead of the status of quo), then this tiny island will be nothing more than a victim of geopolitical struggle, to no one’s benefit.
离开派出所前，我再三问警官舅公能不能收到我的消息，他不置可否。民意离花莲市心也不是很近，就算再去，我大约也不会特意去探望。公安局的网站也没有办法查到老人家还是否健在，这依然是一个没有结尾的故事。
Before I left the police station, I asked the officer again and again if my granduncle could receive my message, but he was non-committal. Minyi is not close to the downtown, Hualien. So even if I go there again, I will probably not visit. Even worse, there is no way to find out if my granduncle is still alive from their database, and this remains a story without an ending.
但从另一个侧面想想，这件事也正提醒了我要珍惜眼前的亲人朋友，更加要珍惜眼前的和平。山河破碎风飘絮，战争永远是一个凝重的话题。我不希望中国周遭有战争，更不希望在台海发生战事。如果哪天，要通过武力统一海峡两岸，如果哪天，美丽的宝岛化为一片修罗场，我觉得，这将会是谁都不愿意看到的结局。
But on the other hand, this also reminds me to cherish my family and friends, and to cherish the valuable peace nowadays. War is always a serious topic, as the war breaks the highest mountains and ends the longest rivers. I don’t want a war around China, and I don’t want a war in the Taiwan Strait. If one day, we have to unify the two sides of the strait by force, and the beautiful island collapsed like hell, this will be the bad ending that no one wants to see.
我们头顶同一片蓝天，操同一门语言，说好不要分离，却一直不能在一起。
We have the same blue sky over our heads, speak the same language, and said we won’t be separated. But we have never been together.
台湾之行，经历不少，思考也很多。花了很多冤枉钱，买了一些经历，也算是一些成长的阵痛。前言部分就到这里吧，接下来的游记也许不那么沉重，所记的，大抵是我的一些小小的感悟。
The trip to Taiwan gives me a lot of experience, and a lot of thinking. I spent a lot of money for some experience. The preface is here, and the next travelogues should not be so serious. What I am going to write down, is mostly some of my subtle feelings.
2016.1.29 in Taipei 台北
